His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
