just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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