So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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