i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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