Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
