He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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