Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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