you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
