And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
