If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
