you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
