Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
