if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
