just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
