I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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