I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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