I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
