Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
