My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
what day is it and did you see me today?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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