oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
