OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
