I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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