genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
