So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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