TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
