he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
