Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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