yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
