you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
