I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
