i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
