You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
