shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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