she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
