a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
what day is it and did you see me today?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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