Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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