Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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