My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
