I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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