His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
