Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
