Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
