my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
