i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
