i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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