just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Michael Bay diarrhea
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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