I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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