I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
