So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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