You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
